Regrettable lack of volcanoes in Essex
OUR item about a University of Buffalo press release reporting on the development of a “geological hazards facility” (4 December) prompted an email from reader Nicholas Macy that rather took us by surprise.
“Your mention of ‘study of full-scale volcanoes’ took me back to when our daughter was studying geology at her school in Essex, on the outskirts of London,” he says. “Her class tutor addressed a parents’ meeting and proposed a study trip to Iceland with the words ‘they will have the opportunity to experience those earthquakes and volcanoes that are so sadly lacking in Essex’.
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“As it happened, their most memorable experience on the study trip was biological, as the grey mare being ridden by one of the party on an excursion was successfully sexually assaulted by a passing stallion.
“A prize was awarded to the rider for maintaining her seat during the incident.”
Let no one say that Feedback readers and their offspring do not lead interesting lives.
“Jack Harrison’s attempt to purchase an item on eBay got this grammatically unusual response: “As Christmas is approaching, the postal service will be very busy recently”
Translation glitch in Afghanistan
TALKING of which, Alastair Beaven, a captain in the British army, writes to us on a “bluey” – that’s blue army airmail paper – from the Nahr-e Saraj district of Helmand province in Afghanistan. As a medical officer, Alastair provides healthcare to Afghan civilians as well as British soldiers. He is also, evidently, a Feedback reader.
He tells us that recently he was treating a local man with the help of an interpreter. He wanted to tell the man he was suffering from a virus, but the interpreter looked bemused. “A virus?” he queried. “You mean like you get in a computer?”
This got Alastair thinking about words that people use in some novel sense without knowing their established meaning, “like singing along to a cover version of a song with no awareness of the original”.
He wonders if other Feedback readers have good examples of this phenomenon. Has it got a name? If not, can someone suggest one?
WHY say something simply when it’s possible to make it long-winded and complicated? This seems to be the philosophy of Kellogg’s marketing department.
Kay Bagon notes that the instructions for serving the company’s Hot Oat Krumbly tell us: “1. Place microwaveable cup or jug of milk (125 ml) in the microwave and heat based on guide below. 2. Pour your Hot Oat Krumbly cereal into a breakfast bowl as usual. 3. Carefully remove the milk from the microwave, stir and pour it over the Hot Oat Krumbly cereal and enjoy”.
Why don’t they just say: “Serve with hot milk”?
READER Richard Norton sends us a scan of a page from the 10 November issue of Autocar. It includes an item in the magazine’s “New gear” column about a limited edition version of the Leica M9 digital camera that retails for £20,000 – yes, really.
“The M9 Titanium’s reworked body is made of solid titanium,” the report tells us, “as is the 35mm lens.”
“So it will be a great coffee-table object,” Richard acknowledges. “Shame about the pictures.”
IT CAN be tempting to imagine links between phenomena that are in fact unrelated. Reader Lesley Fahey sent us a copy of a letter published in 91ɫƬ News, a community newsletter in Perth, Western Australia.
“Media reports suggest that 60 per cent of Australia’s population is overweight or obese,” Perth resident Dick Percsy notes. “Other reports indicate rising sea levels. Is it possible that these two factors have bearing on each other? In other words, the continent is sinking due to the excess weight of the population…”
Full marks to that writer for original thinking.
WHEN Martin Storey started up a program to help him manage data, a “Tip of the day” box popped up.
“Did you know…” it told him, “Tips file does not exist in the prescribed directory.”
“This tip,” Martin comments, “is so valuable that I expect to be given it again tomorrow.”
EVERY week John Parry makes a journey that takes him past a road sign instructing him to “use both lanes”.
“I’d like to comply,” he says, “but while it would apparently be the most natural thing in the world for a photon, my Peugeot 205 just doesn’t seem to manage it.”
FINALLY, in this our end-of-the-year issue, it only remains for us to convey our sincere thanks to the thousands of readers who have written to us during 2010. We never have enough room for all the stories you send us, but we love hearing from you and Feedback would be nothing without you.
Compliments of the season to you and all other Feedback readers, and best wishes for 2011.